Back to Dating

Doug Mayberry
Sun, 15 Mar 2020 21:00:00 -0700
Lifestyle

Q: My wife and I were unhappy together for at least the last 15 years of our marriage. We recognized that our relationship wasn't going to get any better, so we bit the bullet and filed for divorce. It went about as smoothly as possible and is now finalized. We still love each other but weren't good partners.

Now that I'm single, I'm ready to step back into the dating scene. I don't want to be alone, but I felt like I couldn't start anything while I was still going through the divorce.
Updated: Mon Mar 16, 2020

Q: My wife and I were unhappy together for at least the last 15 years of our marriage. We recognized that our relationship wasn't going to get any better, so we bit the bullet and filed for divorce. It went about as smoothly as possible and is now finalized. We still love each other but weren't good partners.

Now that I'm single, I'm ready to step back into the dating scene. I don't want to be alone, but I felt like I couldn't start anything while I was still going through the divorce.

My kids were very unhappy to hear this. They feel more strongly than my wife or I about the divorce, and both have said that they feel betrayed by my dating again.

I need to live my own life, and part of that is feeling free to pursue a new life.

How can I tell them to butt out?

A: You should do what's right for you, but a little diplomacy will go a long way.

No matter how old they are, your children are always going to feel affected by your relationships. You and your wife were together for a long time, and your kids learned to depend on that stability.

Try to reassure your family that you'll still be there and they can still depend on you. Even if you and your wife are now divorced, you're still their parents, and your feelings for them haven't changed.

There is a balance. You shouldn't let your family's concerns get in the way of your emotional health, but that said, it's probably not a good idea to dive into a new serious relationship right away.

Take some time to get to know yourself and get familiar with the dating scene. Immediately starting a new relationship makes it more likely that you'll continue the patterns from your marriage.

Look for a stable foundation before embarking on something new. — Emma, Doug's granddaughter

EMERGENCY PREPAREDNESS

Q: I've never been the type to pay too much attention to the news. While friends, family and neighbors have all freaked out about all sorts of issues over the years, I've been relatively calm.

I'm still in good health, even though I turned 63 this year. Not everyone can say the same, and I'm seeing my community start to panic about the new coronavirus. I don't think my personal risk is high, but my life is starting to be impacted.

I went to the market yesterday and was shocked to see depleted shelves. People have been buying up everything! It's starting to make me worry about my own access to goods.

Should I be stocking up, too?

A: Yes, within reason. Even if you're not the type to panic, having essentials at home is never a bad idea.

Regardless of what happens in the next few months, emergency supplies can come in handy for fires, earthquakes, hurricanes and other natural disasters or events.

Focus on the essentials: food, water and hygiene supplies. The safest bet is to have enough supplies for two weeks.

Many people are currently panicking and emptying markets of essential goods. Given the uncertainty, it's best to buy the essentials while they're still available. Consider buying some non-urgent essentials online. Stock up on canned goods and frozen items at the market.

Hand-washing is especially important for disease prevention. Stock up on soap!

If possible, get a month's supply of all your current medications. You don't want to be out of these in a crisis.

Keeping a cool head and having a backup plan are always good ideas. — Doug