I Regularly Get No Praise or Credit

Dr. Robert Wallace
Sun, 22 Mar 2026 23:00:00 -0700
Lifestyle

DR. WALLACE: As the oldest of three siblings, these days I'm used to having fewer interactions with my parents than my two younger siblings, who are six and eight years younger than me. They are more needy and their lives seem to have a lot more drama despite their young ages.

I'm a junior in high school and I have college aspirations. I have really developed my ability to succeed in my academics to a nice level. I routinely get excellent grades and I'm definitely on track to apply for admission into several colleges that interest me.

The one thing that bothers me somewhat is that both of my parents pays much attention to my academic accomplishments, and their praise is both scant and fleeting. I plan to major in journalism, as I enjoy studying, writing and developing ideas.
Updated: Mon Mar 23, 2026

DR. WALLACE: As the oldest of three siblings, these days I'm used to having fewer interactions with my parents than my two younger siblings, who are six and eight years younger than me. They are more needy and their lives seem to have a lot more drama despite their young ages.

I'm a junior in high school and I have college aspirations. I have really developed my ability to succeed in my academics to a nice level. I routinely get excellent grades and I'm definitely on track to apply for admission into several colleges that interest me.

The one thing that bothers me somewhat is that both of my parents pays much attention to my academic accomplishments, and their praise is both scant and fleeting. I plan to major in journalism, as I enjoy studying, writing and developing ideas.

The most I ever seem to get is a mild comment once in a great while, something along the lines of "Oh, that's nice that you're doing so well" and nothing more! Do you feel I should take the time to point out to my parents how hard I study, how seriously I take my academic pursuits and how successful I have been thus far in my high school career? Or would it be better to just remain silent and let my parents continue to focus on their daily battles and cajoling with my younger siblings? — Achieving Without Praise, via email

ACHIEVING WITHOUT PRAISE: Since your parents are not providing you too many positive comments, hopefully you're getting some positive reinforcement via your close friends and some of your teachers who know how hard you're working.

It could be that your parents are quietly thankful that you don't take up a lot of their time since you are so successful and self-reliant as the eldest of their children. Obviously, they have their hands full with your two younger siblings daily. I do have a suggestion for you that you may want to try, once you've achieved something truly remarkable. Ask your parents if they could take you out briefly one weekend day or early evening for a short celebration. See if you can arrange to have one of your friends serve as a babysitter for an hour or two.

Spending a little time alone with your parents for this purpose, even if you have to be the one to initiate it, will likely yield more in-depth conversations that will demonstrate to you just how proud of you they truly are, even if they haven't said so regularly during their typical chaotic days.

MY SISTER USES ME FOR HER ONGOING EXCUSES

DR. WALLACE: I'm a guy who is a senior in high school and I have a younger sister who is a junior. She and I have always been pretty close, but as we've gotten older, she's used our close friendship for her own purposes on several occasions.

She routinely stays out too late, beyond our family curfew rules, and when this happens, she will text me and ask me to come up with an excuse for her! She knows I'm pretty creative and I can think of ideas pretty well if I have enough time.

So far she hasn't gotten into any severe trouble because of all of the reasonable excuses I've dreamed up for her. It's been at least five or six times already, and I know I'm running out of ideas so I want to put my foot down and tell her to come up with her own ideas in the future.

How can I do this in a way that I can remain friendly with my sister but still get my point across to her? It's not like I want to turn her in for any of her past transgressions; it's simply that I don't want to be involved in her excuses anymore. — Inventing Excuses is Draining, via email

INVENTING EXCUSES IS DRAINING: Cut her off immediately, and as you do, apologize to her as well! Why apologize? It's because you shouldn't have become involved in her requests for deception in the first place.

Tell her that you are older, and you should've known better than to go along with her requests. Tell her what's happened already is gone and done, and you won't say anything about those instances, but that your advice to her from here is to be honest with your parents and for her to manage her time more seriously from now on.

You can explain that it's only going to be a matter of time if she continues her behavior until she eventually has to face consequences. Explain that it would be far better to make the adjustment she needs now, while she still has time to do something about it.

Conclude by saying that you care about her and you admit that you made a mistake in covering for her and coming up with ideas simply out of a desire to help her in those moments. But tell her that you later realized you were wrong, and now you want to do right by her by giving her the correct advice. This should extract you comfortably and also keep the door open to the close friendship you've enjoyed with your sibling up to this point.