I Overthink and Overprepare for Any First Impression

Dr. Robert Wallace
Mon, 16 Mar 2026 23:00:00 -0700
Lifestyle

DR. WALLACE: Now that I'm 18 and find myself in more types of situations than I used to, I've noticed that I have what I've come to call "first impression anxiety."

For example, I've been looking for a part-time job recently, so I've interviewed with various potential employers. I've also met with some counselors at our school. I noticed that before all of these meetings, I get really anxious and tense and I go through a 20-minute routine to make sure I'm dressed well, hair combed perfectly, fingers and fingernails scrubbed meticulously, and so forth. I also noticed I have to take a few deep breaths before I go to meet someone new in a business or new academic setting.

Is this normal? What can I do about this so that it doesn't become an obsession that overtakes me as I enter adulthood? — I Want to Make Good First Impressions, via email
Updated: Tue Mar 17, 2026

DR. WALLACE: Now that I'm 18 and find myself in more types of situations than I used to, I've noticed that I have what I've come to call "first impression anxiety."

For example, I've been looking for a part-time job recently, so I've interviewed with various potential employers. I've also met with some counselors at our school. I noticed that before all of these meetings, I get really anxious and tense and I go through a 20-minute routine to make sure I'm dressed well, hair combed perfectly, fingers and fingernails scrubbed meticulously, and so forth. I also noticed I have to take a few deep breaths before I go to meet someone new in a business or new academic setting.

Is this normal? What can I do about this so that it doesn't become an obsession that overtakes me as I enter adulthood? — I Want to Make Good First Impressions, via email

I WANT TO MAKE GOOD FIRST IMPRESSIONS: It's normal to be quite serious about new appointments like the ones you've described, particularly at your present age. You are indeed crossing a threshold from your earlier teen years, where you lived mainly within the cocoon of family and friends, familiar teachers and routines that made you feel comfortable nearly every day. Venturing out into the bigger, wider world indeed can be intimidating for any person, and especially for those approaching high school graduation and planning new life journeys.

I don't think that your interest in making a good impression is an obsessive thing at all at this point. You simply want to put your best foot forward, make that good impression and do your best to position yourself for good outcomes. That's actually a pretty wise thing to be doing at your age. After a few of these appointments go well, do your best to realize that you're completely capable of making good, mature, professional first impressions on a variety of people. Knowing that this is true should allow you to relax. As with many things in life, repetition brings familiarity and effective methodology as to how to best navigate anything new in front of you.

I'M THE ONE WHO NEEDS A GOOD LISTENER NOW!

DR. WALLACE: I'm female and a senior in high school and I've been told that one of my best traits is that I'm an excellent listener. I'll modestly admit that this is indeed true; it's something I learned from my grandfather as a little girl when he not only demonstrated it, but explained its importance to me as I grew older.

As my life is now changing and evolving, I find that I have a lot of curiosity about several topics that are presently important or could be quite important in the future, to the journeys I have prepared for my life. Accordingly, I find that I'm craving to have conversations with others who could provide me insights as to their own experiences, or the guidance they may provide to someone in my shoes at this stage of my life.

In short, I'm looking for a few equally good listeners that I could go to and speak with, but I don't know where to start. Most people who would tell you that I'm a good listener know this from years of interacting with me, but I don't have years to get to know new people who may be able to have great conversations with me. Where should I start since I don't have years to figure this out? — Seeking a Few Good Listeners, via email

SEEKING A FEW GOOD LISTENERS: Do your best detective work to research the topics, schools, counselors, teachers, professors or any other people you are interested in speaking to. Read blog posts and seek to find unbiased comments in the comment section whenever available.

Also, speak to other individuals from whom you may be able to get referrals. Then ask anyone you have been referred to who they might recommend as someone who would be a good listener to sit down with you and spend a few minutes discussing topics that relate to your future. It may sound too easy to do it this way, but there is indeed a sort of magic that appears when you sincerely ask others for assistance and guidance with something valid and important to you. You'll be amazed at how just how many people may be willing to provide guidance, referrals and good conversations with a sincere young person like yourself. Ask with sincerity and I trust many positive doors will open for you in the regard you seek.